Free Time

I got in these HUGE post-it note paper. I'm already drawing crazy things on them.. but kinda haven't even finished one drawing project yet. I'm such a procrastinator. I started this really rad flower mandala type thing, half way through finishing it I started a detailed drawing of a dream catcher. Sketching on huge paper is difficult. The details are bigger, you have to really pay attention because you can see everything on the huge  paper. Perfectionism does NOT come in handy now.

I've been trying to think of something to put up on the walls. These are sticky notes, with the sticky back and everything so they're great for putting on the wall (where I currently am renting from we're not allowed to hang things with nails up, and the paint is weird and wont hold those sticky wall hooks). This house is so bland without any type of wall decor. None of our furniture matches and a lot of it is hand-me-down's or old furniture that was already here. You can really tell it's everyone's first place. I'm trying to do a lot of diy projects to make it look decent here (I have about 20 projects going on right now) but doesn't help much that I'm the only one who does it all, plus cleanings, and cooking, and laundry. I'm the b*tch of the house!

I actually finished one project, a plywood desk  that was all black, now it's gold and purple and looks soo much better. I just still have to put a clear coat on it to make sure it doesn't peel off since it's spray paint. My next project I'm trying to do is "autumn up" the place. I made a couple of felt leaf garlands but those really didn't do much. Next I tackle the fireplace mantel.

It's very fun, doing a lot of these things myself. I do them when I can, because it's fun, and I don't tell myself I "need" to do this or I "need" to finish something. That makes it seem like work! Doing everything because I want to, because I enjoy it, makes it all seem so much more laid back and easy rather than stressing about it.

Do it with a smile or it's just not worth doing! 

         ^new phrase, kinda likin' it^

Find Time for the Little Things

I don't normally have time to actually post things. I have a notebook full of little thoughts and ideas (sometimes rants) that I wish I would have posted, but never find the time to actually do it.

I want to find time to blog again, I want to find me again. A few years ago I kind of lost myself. I went through this sort of mental breakdown and in turn it made me lose sight of who I was. My style changed, I lost a lot of friends, even lost my best friend. I ended up going through a huge heartbreak because I listened and was influenced by other people instead of listening to me. I got in this horrible depression state, and I already have a type of depression, but this just took the cake. I was acting completely opposite of who I was.

I used to be a "hippie" (as what other people called me) I haven't been like that in almost three years. I hadn't been vegetarian/pesco-vegetarian in two years. I hadn't been involved in church since summer of 2011. I lost myself. Lately, the past month or so, I've been trying to find "me" again...and it feels sooo good. I actually feel happy again, or at least for the most part.

There are certain people involved in my life that bring me down. Not that they do it on purpose, but I ruined a lot of things when I went through my little ordeal, and now I'm not too sure if things are ever going to be the same again. Especially since I'm trying to appreciate the little things that used to make me "me" some people are looking at it like it's for attention. That I'm "changing" just to be noticed. I'm not changing. I'm ridding myself of the horrible change that glued itself in me.

So they can talk all they want, they can have their opinions of me and how I'm not their version of normal. I used to not let that stuff bother me, and once I listened to one persons opinion rather than my own, a huge hole was ripped open in me and all of societies influences and other peoples thoughts and opinions filled the hole rather than me fixing my own hole.

So now, I'm not letting that stuff matter anymore. I'm doing things everyday that make me happy, what bring me peace and pleasure, not what I should do and not what I'm suppose to do.

I'm finding time for the little things that used to make me, me.